Flashing before my eyes

On the way to work this morning I was listening to "Leave Out All the Rest" by Linkin Park and suddenly had this horrible flash of "what if" ... like seeing myself in the future after some horrible nameless tragedy involving my son and listening to this song and remembering him. It was bloody awful and no words can describe what you feel like in those moments. It's like you're trying on scenarios all the time, getting a taste for the worst, and God only knows if this constitutes more senseless torture than it does preparation for anything, because none of us knows for certain what the future holds. Even those of us with precognitive skills or heightened pattern recognition cannot parse something so highly charged with heart-wrenching emotions, because the emotional component renders such a thick layer of subjectivity as to make spiritual discernment impossible.

Am I ever going to get used to this??? I don't think so. I don't think there will be a day going by when I will not worry for Damien's ultimate welfare and temporal well-being as he embarks on this journey. I have so many of my own personal emotional and spiritual issues entangled from the past 25 years ever since a certain tragedy and affliction befell me that it adds an extra layer of frustration to the mix and even my prayers for his safety come out angry and bitter. There had better be truth -- beyond everything else and anything else, and taking precedence over it all -- to the notion of God being Love, for both our sakes.